Then you think of so many gentle methods that do not involve belts, smacks, yelling, threatening or any other method that is not communicating, reasoning or sharing. According to Becky, these are all fear or control based approaches, which will get to some extent the desired effect, quiet compliant children, but at what price?

• Would you willfully and consciously want to tell your child I love you only when you do what I want?
• How do you feel when you are being disregarded, your feelings pushed aside and hidden, while you have no idea how to manage them?

That was really the first thing this book opened my eyes to. When you use fear based and control based approaches you are neglecting the most important aspect, showing love, giving attention and appreciate the child for just being. Teaching should have nothing to do with changing the person he/she is, but accepting them and helping them deal with the unique traits they have to develop socio-emotional skills that will help them be balanced, happy, fulfilled people.

Which I really enjoyed, because having grown up in a disciplinarian home, where physical punishment was used freely and attending schools where teachers used this to control behavior in class, it is really hard to realize what it means to teach.

In many ways teaching is talking some, doing some and listening a whole lot, first to yourself to adjust your behavior and then to your child, to really connect and guide them based on their needs.

Being a first time parent, this made me realize that for me it was really important to focus away and unlearn the reactions to behavior I consider “unacceptable”. I cannot say I have not had moments when my 11 month old baby’s screaming or crying did not wreck my nerves, but I managed to look at myself and realize, it’s not the baby who is making me upset.

Which brings us to another eye-opener: No one can make you mad without your permission.

These are points I gathered as I read the first chapters of the book “Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline” the first time. I definitely keep it around my bed and re-read chapters, because there’s a lot of unlearning that needs to be done, before I can do my best to employ all that Becky’s approach is about, but I really think the pay off is great, at least I am sure that by helping my children be more likely to make the best choices in life and feel the best about themselves I will feel like a happier better parent and be encouraged to also do my best.